so you know how in “sk8r boi” by avril lavigne (also known as one of the defining moments of our generation, along with the election of president barack obama, the wall street collapse, and the premiere of oscar-worthy snub high school musical) there’s the lyric that goes:
five years from now/she sits at home/feeding the baby, she’s all alone she turns on tv/guess who she sees/sk8r boi rocking up mtv
yeah? sound familiar? of course it does, no one ever forgets the lyrics to this song
so because my demons plague me at night, last night i remembered that lyric. as if some greater power was beckoning to me. as if they were saying, “child, it is time.” to prove it, i even put a reminder on my fucking phone.
look at that. “sk8r boi fives yrs from now” at 2:53 AM. at 2:53 AM, i realised my destiny.
so here was my thought process: avril lavigne says “five years from now”. when is now? now is when, of course, the song “sk8r boi” was released. using the power of the internet, i can find out the exact day “sk8r boi” was released and then jump ahead five years, check MTV’s airing schedule, and find out who fulfilled the sk8r boi prophecy.
“sk8r boi” was released august 27, 2002. a good day for us all, truly. a monumental, historical occasion. but what about the historical day we’ve all forgotten? the day that sk8r boi rocked up MTV? the day that we finally realised what we, the collective girl who did ballet, missed out on?
august 27, 2007. on that day, TRL (may it rest in peace) aired the top 10 music videos.
number 1 was paul deanda featuring bow bow. eh, okay, so that’s not too impressive– maybe bow wow is sk8r boi. maybe. he could be.
but then i looked more into the episode’s archive. on that day, two very, very special guests showed up on TRL.
one: ryan sheckler, professional skateboarder and star of the amazing MTV relic life of ryan, showed up for a surprise visit.
he certainly fits the bill, right? but he’s only a skateboarder. ryan sheckler does not sing. he does not, in fact, rock up mtv. so sk8r boi could be ryan sheckler. but i persist on.
and then, then. august 27 2007 reaches out and hands me a gift. it knows, it knows, i need to know who sk8r boi is.
the most buzzed about guest on TRL on MTV on august 27 2007 was soulja boy. soulja boyshowed up and performed “crank that” and the crowd went wild. soulja boy rocked up mtv. sure, it wasn’t a rock song, and soulja boy had long since lost his “punk” title that avril lavigne crooned about, but soulja boy was there, soulja boy rocked up MTV, soulja boy is sk8r boi.
think about it. “boi” to “boy”. “sk8r” to “soulja”. and then look at this wonderful picture of soulja boy posing with his skateboard, which, according to a random article i just found on google, is one of his hobbies to this day.
the reason male comic book fans work themselves into a frenzied rage over “fake geek girls“ is because they think they can’t get a girlfriend because of their love for comic books (a.k.a nerdiness). if they accept that geek girls genuinely love comic books, then they’re left with the cold harsh reality that it’s not their nerdiness that makes them unattractive to women, but the fact that they are misogynistic condescending dickbags who need to be avoided AT ALL COSTS
That line from The Social Network? “You are going to go through life thinking that girls don’t like you because you’re a nerd. And I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that that won’t be true. It’ll be because you’re an asshole.”
